Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be a nurse. When I was three years old I would tell people that I was going to work at Norton's hospital in the nursery and take care of the babies. I did fulfill my dream of being a nurse, although the thought of working in the nursery terrifies me! I have become an ICU junkie! I love going to work and taking care of the sickest patients in the hospital. I have seen people live after being on their death bed. I have held hands of dying people when no family was to be found. Telling a mother that they have lost a child has to be one of the hardest things that I have ever done. The good days out weigh the bad. I couldn't ever see myself doing anything else until one day when something literally inside of me changed my perspective.
When I was pregnant with Livi I was sick every day. I had somehow managed to learn how to drive and hold a puke bag at the same time. I LOST 25 lbs! Great weight loss plan? Not really. People would ask me, "You aren't coming back to work after the baby are you?" Well sure I am coming back to work! I had worked hard to become a nurse and I loved my job, why wouldn't I? I thought that I had it all planned out, because full time was only working 3 12 hour shifts a week, I would work mostly on weekends and my cousin and grandma would watch the baby the other times. It was the perfect plan. Early on a brisk November morning, all of that changed.
After 30+ hours of labor it was time for a c section. At this point, I didn't care how the baby came out, I was just exhausted and ready. When they held her up and announced those words "It's a girl", my entire life changed at that moment. She was tiny, healthy, and beautiful. She was mine. Before I ever left the hospital I had already started to think about what I was going to do when I went back to work. The thought of leaving this precious little being made me almost hyperventilate. After talking to Bobby I called my boss and worked out a part time position, working only 8 shifts a month. This all happened before we ever left the hospital!
After 6 weeks of maternity leave the day had come. I had been dreading this day. I carefully labeled all of the breast milk bottles in the fridge, had three changes of clothes laid out on the changing table. All of the diapers were organized and ready to go. A hand written note about what to do, when to do it, and what would happen if you didn't! I packed up all of my pumping supplies and kissed her little cheeks about 50 times and then walked out of the door. The tears started to come before I even got in the car. I was going to be gone at night, hopefully she would sleep the whole time I thought. After crying hysterically the entire way to work, I somehow got out of the car, clocked in, and pulled myself together to work. I loved this job, I missed work, I can do this! Then after about three hours the dreaded phone call came. My husband frantically wanting to know how to get her to stop crying. I could her her in the background screaming and my heart was breaking. By now I was engorged, I had not pumped since I left for work, and that is all it took. My milk let down and I started to cry too! Good thing that I work with some of the most wonderful people in the world. They were amazing, they let me cry, let me go pump, and tried to help me make it through the night!
That was the hardest night that I have ever had at work, but I made it.
After a few weeks we actually came up with a schedule and a solution. On nights that Bobby was on call the baby would stay with my parents, and on nights that he wasn't, a friend of mine would go and be an extra helping hand. It worked perfectly! I only had a few tears when I would leave for work. Before long I was actually looking forward to going to work. It was my time. Time where I could use the skills that I had worked so hard to learn, time to have adult conversations, time to have a little of the old Rach back. It was the perfect balance.
When I got pregnant with Frankie all of that changed again. I knew that with another baby it would be harder to keep to the same schedule that we had. Olivia was also getting to the point where she was crawling for the first time, trying to speak, clapping her little hands. All things that I didn't want to miss, things that I wanted to be there for. After another long discussion with Bobby we decided that I would cut my hours even more. I would only be required to work 3 shifts a month. In doing this I would have to fore fit any benefits that I had, but it was okay, we had found a solution. It turned out to be the best thing for our family.
I realize that not everyone has the option of staying at home. Some people do have the option and still choose to work full time. Every person is different. Every person is fulfilled in their own special way. In no way does it make any of us better or worse with the path that we decide. I am fortunate that I do have the option and the choice. I am thankful for the hard work that my husband does. I AM BLESSED!
There are days when going to work seems like a vacation and I can't wait to get there! At the end of my shift I am ready to see those cute faces and get big sloppy kisses! As parents we do our best, it is a learning process that I have come to find out never ends. Whatever you do, whether you are a stay at home mom or dad, career parent, or part timer, as long as our family's needs are meet then we are doing our job. Keep up the good work. I'm just glad that I get to have my piece of cake and eat it too!!!
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