Ever have those days where you feel like your parenting skills are at an all time low? Where it doesn't matter what you do something always goes wrong? It seems to me that I have been in this slump for about two months now.
Since finding out that Frankie has Autism it has been very hard for Bobby and I as parents. I still can't talk about it much because I always tear up and my emotions are still so raw. Everyday I have to tell myself over and over that today is going to be a good day, and sometimes it is, other times it isn't. I think as parents no matter what is going on with our children, we all have those days. Trying to be positive and trusting that things are going to be alright is much easier said than done. I feel like I am at a crossroads right now, trying to decide what path to take, knowing all along that no matter which way I choose that there could be both positive and negative outcomes for my child.
Which therapies do we chose? Where do we send him to school? Which school is the best? The list goes on and on. It is so difficult for me to grasp at times that this isn't a problem that I can fix. Being a nurse and Bobby being a physician, we are used to problems that most of the time have solutions. We are accustomed to having a treatment plan for every ailment. Take this pill and it will help the problem, or have this surgery and it will fix the problem. With Autism there is no one treatment. There are so many different opinions from different professionals about what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. I can talk to three different therapists about a plan of care, and all three will give me different answers.
I am trying on a daily basis to find a silver lining in this situation, but there are days when it is incredibly hard. We have to trust that the decisions that we make are educated ones, that have been carefully made. We have to pray and trust that what we are doing is right. If it isn't, then we will learn and try again. I want to see immediate results. If I give someone who is in pain a shot of Dilaudid, I know in a short time if it has been effective or not. It is human nature to want instant gratification, we live in a society where we can fly across country in just a few short hours, where we can talk on the phone while picking up the dry cleaning. It has taken months for us to start to see positive progress in Frankie's therapies. It is positive though, and that is all that matters.
I want to continue to ask each and every one of you to continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I can't tell you how many well wishes, notes of encouragement, kind words, etc etc that we have received. Thank you so much for the support. When I look at my Frankie, he literally melts my heart and breaks it at the same time. I at times wonder what he is thinking, if he understands certain things. There is one thing for sure that he understands, that is Love. He is the most loving child I have ever been around. The hugs and slobbery kisses that I get at least a 100 times a day helps me deal with all of the challenges we face. Hearing the occasional" wuv woo"makes me want to do a cartwheel! I am so thankful for this wonderful child.